Making Lists

I've started every year since my freshman year of high school by making a list of about 10 questions. These questions are about school, my social life, musical goals...really everything that is making me feel apprehensive at that moment. Making these lists has become almost therapeutic for me; obviously there is no way I could possibly know the outcome of any of these situations, but condensing my uncertainties into a few simple and manageable questions makes it much easier to relax...and to imagine how much fun I could be having! Obviously after my first year of high school (and now my first year of college) I can make far more educated guesses and even know some of the answers in advance, but it has become a ritual of mine that I can't imagine giving up any time soon!

Looking back on my questions and answers is pretty hilarious too. The answers to my questions a year ago (entering my first year of college) changed dramatically from my first attempt at answering them (just after orientation) to the way I would answer them today with an entire year behind me...I guess that's just one of the many charms of life; it will always keep us guessing! Now, I'm still fairly self-conscious about my questions from more recent years, but I feel like enough time has passed that I can reveal what was making me nervous four years ago as a rising high school freshman...

1. Is Central [High School] any fun?
2. Do you have awesome friends?
3. What is band like?
4. Who do you sit with at lunch?
5. How long did it take you to find your way around?
6. Do you have a date for Homecoming?
7. Are IB (International Baccalaureate) classes hard?
8. How much work is math?

I've kept these lists in a series of notebooks (I don't know that I'd call them 'journals'...that sounds too Disney Channel for my life) where I comment privately about the world around me, what makes me happy, and of course the trials and tribulations of a teenage girl. Having just rediscovered my notebook from freshman year of high school, I also rediscovered a list of 10 band-related feats I wanted to accomplish before I die...

1. Kiss a [french] horn player
2. Date a drummer
3. Wave a lighter at a band concert
4. Go to a lunch party (the upperclassmen band geeks used to eat lunch in the music department hallway...it seemed really cool at the time)
5. Play every instrument in the ensemble
6. Conduct the ensemble I perform in
7. Start a band-wide inside joke
8. Be band president
9. Wear cork grease as chapstick
10. Kiss someone on a band trip

Well that's embarrassing...what's even more embarrassing is the number of those I have accomplished in the last five years. I'll leave that to your imagination in an attempt to retain some semblance of integrity!

If Taylor Swift Had Been A 'Band Kid'...

It has been far too long since my last entry, which I swear won't happen again without good reason. It's been a busy two weeks; I went to the masterclass in Malibu and last week I got back to the cycle of work, practice, eat, repeat. Today I taught another beginning flute lesson, which was less inspiring than a Dr. G masterclass, but still made me reflect on my life as a flute player. It's been my life for the last eight years, and even before then it was something I took relatively seriously. In sixth grade I played in the entry-level Minnesota Youth Symphony orchestra. The following year I won my division of the Upper Midwest Flute Association's annual competition. I took these (along with my growing appreciation for the orchestral repertoire) as signs that this was what I was meant to do. Obviously these successes were in part due to my work and practice, but (I realize this sounds cliche, but I swear it's true!) I wouldn't have come close without the people around me who (whether they knew it or not at the time) inspired, encouraged, and pushed me to practice harder, better, faster...stronger?
My most obvious helper was my mother, who until about eighth grade sat in on all of my lessons and practice sessions. She knew I wanted to be the best I could be, and I think that she wants my dreams to come true just as much as she would had it been her dream. Today, she couldn't sit in on my lessons even if she wanted to and her practice-time comments have waned into friendly reminders rather than [what I considered] harsh, persistent critique. Without this second pair of ears, though, I don't know where I'd be.
My teachers and conductors (ALL OF THEM) taught me what music really means. Not only did each and every person I've worked with give everything they had for the sake of the music, but they painted a picture or a scene or a story to make every piece of music come alive. It was these fabulous musicians who really inspired me to get inside the music, to go beyond the notes, and to give the audience something to really chew on. They also taught their entire ensemble how to manage teamwork. Teamwork is especially difficult in a situation like an orchestra where every single person has such a strong personality...
...but it was these personalities that I found amongst my peers that really gave me a sense of competition and drive. When I got placed in an ensemble with better musicians than myself I'd practice extra hard so that I'd know I was pulling my own weight. When I knew my friends were practicing hours every day, I'd see if I could practice that much to keep up with them. And finally when I just knew that 'all the cool kids' were going to be in the best ensemble, I'd put on my game face and do whatever I needed to do to ensure a spot amongst the elite. The personalities found in an orchestra are not unlike high school cliques...
(Keep in mind, the following is not inteded to be offensive, nor is it what I believe. These stereotypes are merely cumulative generalizations based on stories, experiences, and individual incidents. They are not in any way directed at any individuals.)

• violins-(the student council kids) these hard-working yet soft-spoken folks carry along the orchestra, though usually only the concertmaster really gets to shine as an individual.
• violas-(the geeks) no other section in the orchestra is this tight-knit, has this many inside jokes, or for that matter is the butt of as many jokes...
• cellos-(the bookworms) generally well-liked, the cello section is where you go to find those guys who weren't hot until you took off their glasses a la Clark Kent...
  
• stringed bass-(the artsy kids) they don't care what you play or what you think about them. They just want to play some music.
• flutes-(the cheerleaders) they won't say or do anything mean to your face, they'll just give you 'the look' then tell all their friends that you play out of tune.
• oboes-(the NHS kids) similar to the violins, the oboes are the well-dressed nerds; earnest and friendly once you get to know them.
• clarinets-(the gossip girls) remember that kid who told you every dirty detail of everyone's lives (and was probably telling everyone the details about yours)? He played clarinet.
• bassoons-(the dorks) you might love them, you might hate them...but when push comes to shove you can't play Stravinsky without them.
• trumpets-(the preppy jocks) they can play higher than you, they can play louder than you, they can also probably get the girl quicker than you.
• trombones-(the dumb jocks) sometimes you just have to sit back and wonder what's going through their heads...oh wait...it's nothing...
• french horns- (this guy) everybody knows them, nobody can label them, everybody in some way wants to be like them.
• tubas-(that guy)-you know that redhead kid who seems to be on every Disney Channel show at some point and is always named Bob? He'd make a great tuba player.
• percussion-(the space case) the kid who is always late, never does his homework, asks ten questions every class, and the teacher still loves them...

It is a combination of these personalities that make my life as a musician so much fun. Whether I love them or hate them, life is never boring. Gosh, now I only have to wait two months to get back to the land of Milk and Honey where I'll be living in this saga every day!

California Gurls

So I am currently shaking the sand out from between my toes after a fabulous evening on a private beach in Malibu. Literally two houses down was Paris Hilton's beach house, and four on the other side was Sting's place. It was fantastic. So amazing. After a nighttime hot tub fiesta we stepped inside for ice cream and a mini-recital by our pianist Tim Carey. Who may have had a few party cups of wine. It was overall one of the most fun evenings of my summer. Anyway, I am borrowing a computer and I really want to get in a shower before I fall asleep. But soon, dear friends, I will have a full update. I would say happy beach-ing, but that's just me. Whoops. Well I am, however sending warm, 'bu-vibes to all of you!

Love, Hannah

Over the Hills and Far Away...

Last night I was having trouble practicing. I was not motivated. I was sick of all the pieces I'm working on. I just couldn't take it. So I did what I usually do when I'm feeling like nothing is worth my time or effort; I watched Youtube videos of music that inspires me. After the Saint Saens Organ Symphony (no.3) (which you may recognize if you've ever seen Babe), the finale from Stravinsky's The Firebird, and a little Andre Rieu (even if you don't know anything about music, you should find this funny. Where else in the history of the world can you find an orchestra full of middle-aged women in prom dresses complete with backup dancers?) I realized something about myself.

Lately I've found myself facing the reality that my life is not a fairytale. I read enough Jane Austen and listen to enough Strauss Waltzes to convince myself otherwise, but when push comes to shove I live in Minnesota (or Ohio, depending on the month). I have to practice flute to get better, and just like everyone else on Earth, I worry about paying for everything from my internet bill to a meal at Buffalo Wild Wings. And that is why I play music. Because when I play a piece I experience a story, almost another world. It goes beyond hearing the notes or even hearing changes in color or character. When I hear or perform the right piece, I get so involved in the characters and the story and the place where it's taking place that I actually feel like I'm in a different world. Take for example Aaron Copland's Appalachian Spring (granted this is only the most familiar chunk, but it's just an example). Without looking at the slideshow that goes along with the video, just close your eyes and see where the music takes you! I believe more than anything that music is the most powerful imagery device in the world. Not everyone has to see the same scene, but it is near impossible to hear this piece and not feel...something! I am so passionate about music because even in the world of the 21st century, I get to live a fairytale.

Anyway enough of that. I am spending the day getting ready (packing, practicing, you know...) to go to Malibu tomorrow bright and early! In addition to making life-altering breakthroughs in my flute playing, I will be looking fabulous every day. A new section, 'What Hannah Wears' will be added to the blog after this week!

Finally, here are the next ten books on my list!

41. I, Claudius-Robert Graves

42. Invisible Man-Ralph Ellison

43. Jane Eyre-Charlotte Bronte

44. Light in August-William Faulkner

45. Lolita-Vladimir Nabokov

46. Lord of the Flies-William Goldring

47. The Lord of the Rings series-J.R.R. Tolkien

48. Madam Bovary-Gustave Flaubert

49. The Maltese Falcon-Dashiell Hammett

50. Middlemarch-George Eliot

Entertainment Value

Today I was reading over the rules and conditions for competing in the MN state fair talent contest. I won my 'evening' when I was eleven in the preteen competition playing Henry Mancini's music from 'The Pink Panther'. I wore a pink sparkly dress. I was adorable. I won $20. This year in my endless quest for money, I'm thinking about entering again. The only problem is that I don't have any entertaining music on my stand right now, and a third of the judges' criteria is entertainment value. So in an effort to sell-out gracefully, I think I'm going to finally give in and order a big pile of Ian Clarke music. My top choices at the moment are The Great Train Race (not a huge fan of this guy's playing or performance, but at least you can hear all the polyphonics and rhythmic intricacies. In the case that I choose this piece, I will be wearing a Jessica McClintock Gunne Sax dress that was my mom's in the 70's with lace-up boots), and Zoomtube (once again I hope I'd sound better than this guy, but it's one of the only recordings on youtube. I'm thinking this performance would call for finally buying a pair of Apple Bottom jeans and those boots with the fur...?).

Mom finally agreed (for certain...I hope) to let me take our kitchen bar table and stools to the apartment next year so I am stoked to have that part of my place taken care of (and for free, no less)! Now all I have to worry about is a bed. Here's a list of problems with the bed sitch: 1)my room is tiny tiny tiny, so I don't know if I can fit anything bigger than a twin, 2)the parents want me to take my bed from home (oh great, first you take over my closet while I'm gone, now you want my room to be void of a bed, what's next? a pool table?), and 3)beds are expensive, but I really want a big girl bed! So I suppose we'll see. If I can find a cheap mattress at IKEA or the likes, I can hold off having a real bedframe until I find one free on craigslist. If not, things could get a little stickier. Still crossing my fingers for a full size, though!

This is the design masterpiece that is my bedroom, with the unparalleled taste of the current owners of my place! Dear Lord, I can't wait to get some color into the apartment!

In other news, D.H. Lawrence hates women, which is ironic because based on the title, I was certain 'Women in Love' would be about the women...alas, it's just another story of men thinking that no women could ever satisfy them because everyone knows that women aren't capable of rational thought! Enough of that. I'm going to finish the book anyway and update my opinion at that time.

Finally, I've been thinking a ton about cooking at the apartment next year. This was brought on because today I made my very first grilled cheese sandwich ever (don't judge, I live in a house where healthy eating trumps decadency any day) for D! Anyway I'm putting together a cookbook of all my favorite recipes that my mom makes here, including calories per serving and the cost per 'batch'. I'm really excited! I think its going to make me much more responsible for my physical and monetary well-being.

Here are the next ten books on my list! Enjoy!

31. Go Tell in on the Mountain-James Baldwin

32. Gone With the Wind-Margaret Mitchell (check!)

33. The Good Soldier-Jaroslav Hasek

34. The Grapes of Wrath-John Steinbeck (check!)

35. Gravity's Rainbow-Thomas Pynchon

36. The Great Gatsby-F. Scott Fitzgerald (check!)

37. Gulliver's Travels-Jonathan Swift

38. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter-Carson McCullers

39. Heart of Darkness-Joseph Conrad

40. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn-Mark Twain

A Bit of This, a Dash of That...

Today I caught up with an old friend from high school (who just graduated this year) and learned about all the drama I missed during my year in Cincinnati. Sometimes I find it strange to think that there is a world outside of the tiny conservatory (make that musicians in a conservatory) world where I know everyone, everyone knows me, and we all know the dirty details of one another's lives. Beyond that, there are probably people in this world that have never heard of Gustav Mahler, Sergei Prokofiev, or Franz Schubert. So much of my life is based on this elitist society of middle to upper class Americans that was derived almost entirely from European history. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I wouldn't change a thing about it but sometimes I just feel like I'm being too self-absorbed...

Really this whole self-examination began yesterday while I was talking to my boyfriend, T about going to see him later this summer. R and I have been talking a lot recently (on Facebook, for the world to see) about how we plan on decorating our apartment next year, so of course T and I got around to that subject matter to which he asked why people in our society put so much emphasis on decorating their homes. It's not like fashion where hundreds of people see and judge you every day, so why should we care so much about making it better than everyone else's? My immediate reaction was that I like to look at pretty things, so if I have the opportunity to look at pretty things, why not take it.

Today I realized that so much of my life is based on aesthetic appeal. I want to be the prettiest, most in-shape, most fashionable, best musician with the most creatively decorated and inspiring apartment in the whole world...it all brings me back to my very first blog post about searching for inspiration. It's true, I'm not exactly making strides to end world hunger by pursuing these shallow goals of mine, but hopefully someday I'll be able to make a difference in people's lives. Maybe someday I'll be well-known enough to play concerts and release recordings to benefit people in need. Maybe someday I'll be able to inspire the next great artists of the next generation. Sure, I love the fairytale life I live, but what good does it do if the only person I'm helping is myself? I need a little bit more time to think about that one...in the meantime here are the next ten books on my book list!

21. Catch-22-Joseph Heller

22. The Catcher in the Rye-J. D. Salinger

23. Charlotte's Web-E.B. White

24. Crime and Punishment-Fyodor Dostoevsky

25. David Copperfield-Charles Dickens

26. The Day of the Locust-Nathanael West

27. Death Comes for the Archbishop-Willa Cather

28. Don Quixote-Miguel De Cervantes

29. Emma-Jane Austen (check!)

30. Frankenstein-Mary Shelley

10 Things That Make Me Happy

Inspired by Sacramento Street, I couldn't wait to make my own top 10 list!


1. Playing dress-up. Granted, this picture is from my high school's production of Pirates of Penzance, but it is far less incriminating than most of the 'dress-up' pictures that have been taken of me...anyway, who doesn't love the romance and fun of dressing up?


2. Thrift Stores. Mmm Mmm Mmm! I do enjoy the thrill of finding that perfect sweater out of the chaos of a thrift rack. It's like the moment you touch the fabric you just know that you're meant to own it...like the vintage Laura Ashley tulip skirt I found today at Goodwill. I absolutely cannot WAIT to show it off!
(photo credit: http://www.humboldtcounty.com/subs.php?sub=256&catlink=50)


3. Mahler's 1st Symphony. Our love-affair began the summer I played the piece in its entirety at the National Symphony Orchestra Summer Music Festival. I fell in love with the sweeping string melodies, the richly evocative woodwind interjections, and the dashing and passionate brass fanfare in the finale...gosh, my heart is all a-flutter just thinking about it!


4. Saint Paul and Minneapolis. I know I just blogged about how much I love the Twin Cities, but really they are the most gorgeous cities I have ever seen. Just ask Atmosphere if you'd like some clarification...
(photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/84263554@N00/3085094267/)


5. My Sigma Alpha Iota sisters. These women lift my spirits every time I see them! I know that no matter what I'm doing or how I feel about the world, they're more than willing to listen, chat, and bake with me (or even better: FOR me). I can't imagine not having these inspiring, talented, and joyful girls in my life!


6. BCBG dresses. Need I elaborate?


7. Fairytales. Love, princesses, dashing white knights, fantastic castles, more love...what more could a girl want?
(photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/frizztext/1530381496/)


8. Sobe LifeWater. Zero calories. Tastes delicious. Vitamin-infused. Saving my body one bottle at a time!


9. Beck. I don't know what it is about his music, but somehow I can't ever seem to get enough. Plus he's cute.
(photo credit: http://www.frontrowking.com/Concert_Tickets/Beck.html)


10. Performing. Where would I be without the adrenaline of doing what I know best in front of sometimes hundreds of people? I live to show others the same thrill that I enjoy from hearing passionate, soul-engaging works! Without the thrill of performing, I don't even know who I'd be!