I've Been Thinking...

A number of things have been on my mind lately; of course they've all been related to music, fashion, and the simple pleasures of life...what more do I think about?

First of all, I've been thinking about music in the church. The Lutheran church, to be exact. Mine. In the midst of solfege-singing my way through hymns that alternate between 12/8 and 8/8 (wtf?) I was reminded of the worst Easter ever. It was my senior year of high school. I woke up early to straighten my hair, paint my nails, and put on the perfect dress. We drove to church, and I immediately noticed the first red flag; people in jeans. They were everywhere. There were people in jeans, sweatshirts, T shirts, it was terrible. I was humiliated for them. It's like wearing a parka to the beach: who does that? THEN. I grab a bulletin only to discover that Jesus Christ is Risen Today was not on the agenda for the day. Seriously? No Easter dresses, No classic Easter hymns? It was like Easter hadn't happened at all. To make matters even better, they changed the kyries to some atonal contemporary crap that couldn't have been sung by anyone without perfect pitch. I was furious. So there. Music and aesthetics alone are enough to make or break any day. Then yesterday in church I couldn't help but notice the lack of Bach in our services. Sure part of it may be because certain organists just don't have the technical capabilities to play even sixteenth notes, but really? The father of modern piano playing and part of the reason we even have music (besides Gregorian chant) in church services not included in today's churches? Blasphemy!

Fashion. I went to the Mall of America last week for the first time in over a year and it was terrible. It was the first time in ages that I'd been around so much disposable fashion and all I could think about was how evil it all was! Ok why pay six times as much as I do for the same styles I get at thrift stores in really poor quality fabrics that will rip, come undone, or pill up after a few wears. Seriously, here I go harping on disposable fashion again, but I believe in it so deeply that I couldn't not say something! My clothes fit better, last longer, and cost less than anything you could find at the mall. Plus, I'm cutting down on the waste that is a result of the terribly polluting disposable fashion industry! Win-win-win-win!!!!

Finally, the simple pleasures of summertime and my youth! I've spent a lot of time this summer feeling terrible about not being at a music festival, about missing my friends in Cincinnati, and about feeling generally unmotivated all the time. But there are a lot of things I could be enjoying. Yesterday I went to the beach at Lake Calhoun. Ok first of all way nicer than Lake Nokomis; better view, you can swim out further, more entertaining people watching, more ugly tattoos...I remembered that summer is about soaking up the sun, wearing cuter bikinis than everyone around you, and singing along to cool tunes. And I got worried about losing my youth before I get to take advantage of it! So I'm not going to spend the rest of my summer enjoying all that the sun and heat have to offer...also finishing painting my shelves, work eight hours a day at the fair starting Thursday, practice driving...so much to do!

The Countdown Begins

I will be leaving for Cincinnati five weeks from tomorrow. One of those weeks will be spent with the boyfriend and for two I will be working at the MN state fair selling tickets. I have two weeks left of summer. I had so many things I wanted to accomplish this summer, and yet somehow I feel like I spent almost all of it thinking about how much I'd rather be at school. That's not entirely true. I [would like to think that I] have gotten a lot better at playing flute, I updated my wardrobe so that it's both more mature and more unique, (by the end of the summer) I will have made about $2000 so I won't starve, I practiced doing domestic things like cooking and cleaning, and I started blogging. There, those are almost entirely productive things.

I only wish I had read more, worked out more (although I have lost ten pounds since I left school in June, hopefully I'll be able to keep going!), seen more of the Twin Cities, and just enjoyed the summer sun. I suppose it's never too late.

I was just talking to the roommate about last-minute things we need to get before we move in (for example, we just remembered how nice it would be to have a vacum...) and I remembered how excited I am to decorate! I'm sure there will be plenty of pictures when the time comes. I am most excited for a gigantic white board that's going in. This is your invitation: come over and draw us a mural. It will be greatly appreciated. And fun. Other than that, all I'm going to say is get ready, world: here we come!

Project Stepford Hannah

Summer is kind of a grueling time for me. Sure it's nice to not have to worry about school every day, but when you have a regular job and a mile long list of things that need to get done before leaving for school in a month and a half, it just feels...stressful.

I've finished my nannying job for the summer, and I have just over a month before my job at the state fair begins. Today I began the laborious task of organizing all my stuff. This is particularly difficult because I don't really know where to put things since I'll be moving again in less than two months. I've commandeered the family coat-rack to serve as a temporary closet and most of my remaining belongings are sitting in big blue plastic bins from Menards. As a result, my room looks more like a garage. A messy one. Today, however, I made huge strides in my wardrobe's health. Mom and I spent about an hour each sorting through out closets and trading pieces that we knew were never going to get worn. I've gone through my dresser three times since finals week and each time I've been able to get rid of more clothes. Even if its just a few t-shirts, every piece makes a difference when you have limited space. My method? I imagine perfect Hannah in my mind who is fashionable beyond belief and ask myself if perfect Hannah would wear (this shirt, that jacket, these pants). No? Throw it into the Goodwill pile.

The idea of this perfect Hannah really began when I was in late elementary school. I remember I was looking through one of the last American Girl catalogues that came to my house. I came across what I considered to be the perfect outfit; a nautically striped t-shirt, white pants, and wedge espadrilles. I imagined myself as a young adult (I mean early twenties) wearing the outfit with long dark wavy hair. Of course in this fantasy I was also dating Daniel Radcliff, an endeavor that has since found its way off my to-do list...I don't think I was actually doing anything in this fantasy, I just knew that 'this girl has got herself together'. I was pretty, successful, talented, well-liked, basically everything anyone could dream of being.

Since then I haven't forgotten my lofty aspirations of perfection. In fact for the last three years, my new years' resolution has been 'to be perfect'. Don't get me wrong here; I know that no one is perfect and I know that I never will be perfect. However, in my opinion there is nothing wrong with aiming for perfection. I guess this is just my way of saying 'why settle?'

Finally, at the beginning of Spring Quarter I decided to raise the stakes in my apprehension of perfection; hence Project Stepford Hannah. The project really isn't that much of a change from my every day life, but committing to practicing at least three hours every day and not wearing sweatpants to school have actually made a difference. They are little things, but when I actually follow through on both I feel so much more productive and ready to take on the world! Now I think I have to push myself to see if I can commit to keeping my apartment clean...

If Taylor Swift Had Been A 'Band Kid'...

It has been far too long since my last entry, which I swear won't happen again without good reason. It's been a busy two weeks; I went to the masterclass in Malibu and last week I got back to the cycle of work, practice, eat, repeat. Today I taught another beginning flute lesson, which was less inspiring than a Dr. G masterclass, but still made me reflect on my life as a flute player. It's been my life for the last eight years, and even before then it was something I took relatively seriously. In sixth grade I played in the entry-level Minnesota Youth Symphony orchestra. The following year I won my division of the Upper Midwest Flute Association's annual competition. I took these (along with my growing appreciation for the orchestral repertoire) as signs that this was what I was meant to do. Obviously these successes were in part due to my work and practice, but (I realize this sounds cliche, but I swear it's true!) I wouldn't have come close without the people around me who (whether they knew it or not at the time) inspired, encouraged, and pushed me to practice harder, better, faster...stronger?
My most obvious helper was my mother, who until about eighth grade sat in on all of my lessons and practice sessions. She knew I wanted to be the best I could be, and I think that she wants my dreams to come true just as much as she would had it been her dream. Today, she couldn't sit in on my lessons even if she wanted to and her practice-time comments have waned into friendly reminders rather than [what I considered] harsh, persistent critique. Without this second pair of ears, though, I don't know where I'd be.
My teachers and conductors (ALL OF THEM) taught me what music really means. Not only did each and every person I've worked with give everything they had for the sake of the music, but they painted a picture or a scene or a story to make every piece of music come alive. It was these fabulous musicians who really inspired me to get inside the music, to go beyond the notes, and to give the audience something to really chew on. They also taught their entire ensemble how to manage teamwork. Teamwork is especially difficult in a situation like an orchestra where every single person has such a strong personality...
...but it was these personalities that I found amongst my peers that really gave me a sense of competition and drive. When I got placed in an ensemble with better musicians than myself I'd practice extra hard so that I'd know I was pulling my own weight. When I knew my friends were practicing hours every day, I'd see if I could practice that much to keep up with them. And finally when I just knew that 'all the cool kids' were going to be in the best ensemble, I'd put on my game face and do whatever I needed to do to ensure a spot amongst the elite. The personalities found in an orchestra are not unlike high school cliques...
(Keep in mind, the following is not inteded to be offensive, nor is it what I believe. These stereotypes are merely cumulative generalizations based on stories, experiences, and individual incidents. They are not in any way directed at any individuals.)

• violins-(the student council kids) these hard-working yet soft-spoken folks carry along the orchestra, though usually only the concertmaster really gets to shine as an individual.
• violas-(the geeks) no other section in the orchestra is this tight-knit, has this many inside jokes, or for that matter is the butt of as many jokes...
• cellos-(the bookworms) generally well-liked, the cello section is where you go to find those guys who weren't hot until you took off their glasses a la Clark Kent...
  
• stringed bass-(the artsy kids) they don't care what you play or what you think about them. They just want to play some music.
• flutes-(the cheerleaders) they won't say or do anything mean to your face, they'll just give you 'the look' then tell all their friends that you play out of tune.
• oboes-(the NHS kids) similar to the violins, the oboes are the well-dressed nerds; earnest and friendly once you get to know them.
• clarinets-(the gossip girls) remember that kid who told you every dirty detail of everyone's lives (and was probably telling everyone the details about yours)? He played clarinet.
• bassoons-(the dorks) you might love them, you might hate them...but when push comes to shove you can't play Stravinsky without them.
• trumpets-(the preppy jocks) they can play higher than you, they can play louder than you, they can also probably get the girl quicker than you.
• trombones-(the dumb jocks) sometimes you just have to sit back and wonder what's going through their heads...oh wait...it's nothing...
• french horns- (this guy) everybody knows them, nobody can label them, everybody in some way wants to be like them.
• tubas-(that guy)-you know that redhead kid who seems to be on every Disney Channel show at some point and is always named Bob? He'd make a great tuba player.
• percussion-(the space case) the kid who is always late, never does his homework, asks ten questions every class, and the teacher still loves them...

It is a combination of these personalities that make my life as a musician so much fun. Whether I love them or hate them, life is never boring. Gosh, now I only have to wait two months to get back to the land of Milk and Honey where I'll be living in this saga every day!

California Gurls

So I am currently shaking the sand out from between my toes after a fabulous evening on a private beach in Malibu. Literally two houses down was Paris Hilton's beach house, and four on the other side was Sting's place. It was fantastic. So amazing. After a nighttime hot tub fiesta we stepped inside for ice cream and a mini-recital by our pianist Tim Carey. Who may have had a few party cups of wine. It was overall one of the most fun evenings of my summer. Anyway, I am borrowing a computer and I really want to get in a shower before I fall asleep. But soon, dear friends, I will have a full update. I would say happy beach-ing, but that's just me. Whoops. Well I am, however sending warm, 'bu-vibes to all of you!

Love, Hannah

Happy Fathers Day!

This weekend has been a wonderful reminder of why I love the Twin Cities so much! Of course I don't think I could live without the people I've grown so close to in Cincinnati, but there is something so charming, cozy, yet classy about Saint Paul and Minneapolis. Yesterday I wandered around the Stone Arch Festival of the Arts with three of my good friends from high school where I was reminded of how fond I am of indie pop/rock. And hipsters. Gotta love drunk hipsters. As a disciple of classical music, I only hear top 40s hits at parties and the orchestral and jazz repertoire that I perform and attend concerts to hear. It was good to hear something new, and of course the people-watching was incredible! We especially liked Joey Ryan & the Inks, Eliza Blue, and Me & My Arrow. Walking around the St Anthony Main and Gold Medal Park area reminded me that Minneapolis is indeed a 'real' city and that there is plenty to do especially in the summertime in the Twin Cities!
Today my family ventured down to Northfield for an extended family fathers day brunch and to drop my brother of at St. Olaf for music camp. It was wonderful to see my grandparents and all my aunts, uncles, and cousins that I haven't really seen since the holidays, and being once again on campus at St. Olaf brought back many memories (mostly fond, although somehow there always seemed to be boy drama of some sort) of my own years at the camp. My favorite memory was probably the year we shared a dorm with a fat camp; there was something so wrong about piling four plates of food and ice cream when these other kids were forced calorie limits and had to check in to make sure they were allowed to eat everything on their plates! This of course fueled an animated discussion about the lifestyle choices musicians make, cumulating in renaming St. Olaf Music Camp "Bigger Than Big Ole: Get Fat Camp!" (Big Ole is a fond nickname the St. Olaf students have bestowed upon their windmill that is visible for miles). Those were the days...
I will be leaving for California in one week! I suppose that means that I really need to get a-practicing so as not to disappoint Dr. G when I get out there...in the meantime, here is the next installment of my top 100 books!
11. Anna Karenina-Leo Tolstoy
12. As I Lay Dying-William Faulkner (check!-already read this one)
13. The Bell Jar-Sylvia Plath
14. Beloved-Toni Morrison
15. The Big Sleep-Raymond Chandler
16. Blood Meridian-Cormac McCarthy
17. Brave New World-Aldous Huxley
18. Brideshead Revisited-Evelyn Waugh
19. The Brothers Karamazov-Fyodor Dostoyevsky
20. The Call of the Wild-Jack London

California Dreamin'

Today I will teach my first flute lesson of the summer! I'm really excited to get back into teaching; I had a student my last two years in high school, but the grad students in my studio seem to have dibs'd everyone near campus. I don't think that I'd want teaching to be my main career pursuit, but I know that at some point in my life I'll probably be doing it to pay the bills and right now it's still new enough to be fun. I've been so tired the past few days that I'm worried I won't be the most inspiring teacher today, though. It reminds me of high school when I felt like I didn't have a chance to have any free time because when I wasn't doing schoolwork I was practicing, and when I wasn't playing the flute I was at school (luckily most of my friends were overachieving jocks who were just as busy as I was). This is only the first week I've been back from school and already I feel like a jaded worker bee. I go nanny, I come home and take a quick nap, blog a little, check facebook, then I practice until bedtime (I swear I didn't need this much sleep last month!). On the bright side, being so busy leaves little time for boredom or missing the people I love at school!
I've finally convinced my mom to give in to the magic of Craigslist. Last night she was searching their STP listings and found a really solid wooden table and chairs set nearby. Granted, the blonde wood and classic American cut of the set doesn't exactly fit the 'Sex-and-the-City-Girl-Cave' vibe that R and I are going for, but with a coat of black glossy paint it could be really classy...and for $50 you can't really go wrong! So if I do decide to snatch it up (if it's still available) there will definitely be photos soon! Another fun idea I had is sort of a knock-off from a very quirky restaurant in downtown Cincy (if you've ever been to Hamburger Mary's, you'll understand where I'm headed with this...). A really scratched up/just plain gross table top can be covered in photos/magazine clippings/really anything flat, then a piece of plexiglass that's the same shape as the tabletop. Plus then it's easy to clean. Double whammy.
At this point, I'm hanging on to the knowledge that a week from Sunday I will be in Malibu, soaking up the sun with fellow flute players (don't even bother asking me about the flutist-flautist-fluter drama, I avoid all three to escape the controversy) at Dr. G's masterclass! I think this calls for a shopping trip to make my wardrobe a little more Cali-fabulous? Yes, please! Until then I will leave you with this:

A photo of the finished dining room and bedroom in my miniature house that I've been building with D!

Reliving the Past

There is nothing like a little nostalgia to make me think about what I'm doing with my time and energy. And money, come to think of it. Today I took my young nanny-charge, D to a shop nearby called Artscraps that sells really just a bunch of junk for pretty cheap. I walked in to find that the place hadn't really changed in the eight or so years since my last visit, besides the bulk bags being $5 instead of $4.

D's favorite TV show is Junkyard Wars; a reality-gameshow where teams of three scientists/mechanics/nerds compete to build working vehicles that usually accomplish some sort of task (amphibious vehicles, catapult cars, etc.). Although nothing in the store was motorized, D was thrilled to have so much workable material at his fingertips. Together we spent almost $20 on fabric scraps, pvc straws, colored paperclips, egg cartons...you get the picture. He spent the rest of the afternoon working on building a car, while I furnished the inside of a cardboard box to look like a miniature dining room. I felt like such a girl. It was wonderful. There is something so magical about the creation of an entire world at your disposal. You'd think that with a real apartment at my furnishing disposal I'd be less engaged in this imaginary world, but that was not the case. I felt the same excitement as I used to get from playing with my American Girl dolls.

Last night I had another experience with revisiting an old memory by way of Schubert's Variations on Trockne Blumen. I find that it is one of the most liberating experiences to play a piece that has been put aside for at least a year, then realize 'oh, that's how it's supposed to sound'! It's not that I didn't play it well last fall, but now that I don't have to worry about my low register speaking I can more fully enjoy what the piece is saying. I realized that I missed playing it. It's a recital possibility, along with (tentatively) the Lowell Liebermann Sonata, The Francis Poulenc Sonate, and Claude Bolling's Suite for Flute and Jazz Piano. But that is months away still, leaving plenty of time for me to work up the Carl Vine Sonata.

Today was my first Tuesday back from school, meaning it was the first thrift store 25% off day of my summer and I missed it because I was working. It's not that I don't have enough clothes, I'm just worried that someday they're going to have something amazing and somebody else is going to get it first! Oh well, mom found me another Juicy sweatshirt (this one is purple) to supplement my growing collection (that have each set me back less than $10) so I suppose all is not lost.

On one final note, I have now read seven chapters of Women in Love so I think I have free reign to share my opinion. While it retains the old school charm of Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters, this novel is much more focused on character development through dialogue. There is approximately 600% less pining for lost love (don't worry, there is still enough to get your fix), and unlike the women authors the plot follows the male characters just as much as the ladies. I like it so far. I hesitate to say that the characters remind me of people I know because people I know would only think a lot of the dialogue, resisting the urge to say it aloud. I will settle for saying that these characters think like people I know.

Well that's what's on my mind today. I'm hoping to get at least one good thrifting trip in this week, but in the meantime I've been scouring the free craigslist listings. It's my version of online shopping.

Looking for Inspiration

For me, life is all about finding a source of inspiration, using that to make my own art (which ranges from anything from flute practice to finding an outfit that matches to decorating my living space) more passionately, and finally inspiring others through that art. The problem is that lately I've found myself making excuses to not get inspired more often than I'd like; 'If it wasn't so early I'd have better tone', 'If I wasn't so tired I'd play this sonata more musically', 'If I was fifteen pounds lighter I'd look cute in any outfit', 'If I had a real job I'd be able to afford nice furniture for the apartment'...the list goes on and on. I guess my goal is that by thinking out loud (or I suppose in this case, online) I'll more likely to find creative and functional solutions to these dilemmas that seem so very present in my day-to-day life.

Today I am blaming my lack of inspiration on being home for the summer. I'm not in the fishbowl of musical and creative genius that I've gotten so used to, and now I feel like there is nothing pushing me to be the best Hannah I can be. On the other hand, in the two days I've been home I've already listened to three full symphonic works and begun to read Women in Love by D.H. Lawrence. There is nothing like going right to the classics to remind you why you do what you do. So that's what I plan to do this summer, learn as much classic orchestral repertoire as I can, read as many books from The Modern Library's Top 100 Best Novels list (http://www.randomhouse.com/modernlibrary/100bestnovels.html; so far I've read no. 2, 7, 10, 20, 35, and 45 from the Board's list and 5, 12, 13, 22, 24, 51, 63, 67, and 94 from the Reader's list) make enough money to keep me fed and somewhat entertained over the school year, and of course practice until I can't anymore. Oh! And I haven't even mentioned the apartment challenge yet! My roommate R and I have leased a sick apartment next year that remains yet unfurnished. I'm going to see if I can take care of my half of the household for under $100? So far I've got a surprisingly nice armchair that mom bought me for $10 at a garage sale, and the kitchen table and chairs set that the parents are getting rid of! Looks like the rest will be coming from Craigs List and thrift stores!