Tuesday, June 22, 2010

A Bit of This, a Dash of That...

Today I caught up with an old friend from high school (who just graduated this year) and learned about all the drama I missed during my year in Cincinnati. Sometimes I find it strange to think that there is a world outside of the tiny conservatory (make that musicians in a conservatory) world where I know everyone, everyone knows me, and we all know the dirty details of one another's lives. Beyond that, there are probably people in this world that have never heard of Gustav Mahler, Sergei Prokofiev, or Franz Schubert. So much of my life is based on this elitist society of middle to upper class Americans that was derived almost entirely from European history. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I wouldn't change a thing about it but sometimes I just feel like I'm being too self-absorbed...
Really this whole self-examination began yesterday while I was talking to my boyfriend, T about going to see him later this summer. R and I have been talking a lot recently (on Facebook, for the world to see) about how we plan on decorating our apartment next year, so of course T and I got around to that subject matter to which he asked why people in our society put so much emphasis on decorating their homes. It's not like fashion where hundreds of people see and judge you every day, so why should we care so much about making it better than everyone else's? My immediate reaction was that I like to look at pretty things, so if I have the opportunity to look at pretty things, why not take it.
Today I realized that so much of my life is based on aesthetic appeal. I want to be the prettiest, most in-shape, most fashionable, best musician with the most creatively decorated and inspiring apartment in the whole world...it all brings me back to my very first blog post about searching for inspiration. It's true, I'm not exactly making strides to end world hunger by pursuing these shallow goals of mine, but hopefully someday I'll be able to make a difference in people's lives. Maybe someday I'll be well-known enough to play concerts and release recordings to benefit people in need. Maybe someday I'll be able to inspire the next great artists of the next generation. Sure, I love the fairytale life I live, but what good does it do if the only person I'm helping is myself? I need a little bit more time to think about that one...in the meantime here are the next ten books on my book list!

21. Catch-22-Joseph Heller
22. The Catcher in the Rye-J. D. Salinger
23. Charlotte's Web-E.B. White
24. Crime and Punishment-Fyodor Dostoevsky
25. David Copperfield-Charles Dickens
26. The Day of the Locust-Nathanael West
27. Death Comes for the Archbishop-Willa Cather
28. Don Quixote-Miguel De Cervantes
29. Emma-Jane Austen (check!)
30. Frankenstein-Mary Shelley

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